Trump's April Fools' Address to the nation

Expectations reached a fever pitch Wednesday, but he neither called for an end to the war nor announced a ground invasion. Bottom line: We're not finished.

Kelley Beaucar Vlahos

Apr 01, 2026

https://responsiblestatecraft.org/trump-address-iran/

Washington was literally sizzling Wednesday with expectations ahead of President Donald Trump's evening address on Iran. Would he announce a ceasefire? Would he just declare the war over, wash his hands of the mess, and leave the Strait of Hormuz to the Persian Gulf and Europe? What about a full land invasion?

Turns out he did none of that — except maybe the part about the Strait, but we'll get to that in a second.

Trump gave a speech that analyst Dan DePetris noted should have been delivered before launching the attacks on Iran on Feb. 28. He spent much of the approximately 15 minutes building a case for bombing the hell out of Tehran for the last 30 days. "The most violent and thuggish regime on Earth," it "continued their relentless quest for nuclear weapons and rejected every attempt at an agreement." The U.S. had no choice. "We took them out. We took them all out so that no one would really dare stop them. And their race for a nuclear bomb, a nuclear weapon, a nuclear weapon like nobody has ever seen before, they were right at the doorstep." He went on:

"Our objectives are very simple and clear. We are systematically dismantling the regime's ability to threaten America or project power outside of their borders. That means eliminating Iran's Navy, which is now absolutely destroyed, hurting their air force and their missile program at levels never seen before, and annihilating their defense industrial base. We've done all of it. Their Navy is gone, their air force is gone. Their missiles are just about used up or beaten. Taken together. These actions will cripple Iran military, crush their ability to support terrorist proxies and deny them the ability to build a nuclear bomb. Our armed forces have been extraordinary. There's never been anything like it. Militarily, everyone is talking about it, and tonight, I'm pleased to say that these core strategic objectives are nearing completion."

So the war is over right? Wrong. According to Trump the U.S. military has "crushed" Iran, but it's not finished. "Over the next two to three weeks, we're going to bring them back to the stone ages, where they belong. In the meantime, discussions are ongoing." (As they say on social media, tell us Iran is fighting back without telling us Iran is fighting back.)

Again, Trump erroneously noted that while he didn't want regime change "they're all dead" and the "the new group is less radical and much more reasonable." He said in his "two to three week" timetable, "if during this period of time...If there is no deal, we are going to hit each and every one of their electric generating plants very hard and probably simultaneously. We have not hit their oil, even though that's the easiest target of all, because it would not give them even a small chance of survival or rebuilding. But we could hit it and it would be gone. And there's not a thing they could do about it."

Iran can retaliate by hitting oil and energy plants in the region harder, but to mention that would say out loud that the Iranians can still fight and are not playing by our rules. Instead, he said not to worry about the high gasoline prices or the oil shortages; we don't get our oil from the Persian Gulf, and we'll get more from Venezuela anyway. As for all of the other global commerce which includes almost everything in our current supply chains, he was non-committal to opening up the Strait of Hormuz by force. In an auspicious twist, he put it on everyone else to open the Strait.

"So to those countries that can't get fuel, many of which refused to get involved in the decapitation of Iran. We had to do it ourselves. I have a suggestion. Number one, buy oil from the United States of America. We have plenty. We have so much," he said. "And number two, build up some delayed courage. Should have done it before. Should have done it with us, as we asked, go to the Strait and just take it, protect it, use it for yourselves. Iran has been essentially decimated. The hard part is done, so it should be easy, and in any event, when this conflict is over, the Strait will open up naturally."

Comparing the 30-day war to the length of the Korean War, Iraq, and World War I, Trump reached for a way to scold Americans for getting antsy but it somehow came off as boasting as though he could completely destroy an enemy in a much lesser time. "(The world) just can't believe what they're seeing...the brilliance of the United States military."

What the world is seeing is this "decimated" Iran hitting targets across the Persian Gulf and in Israel consistently, all the way through the speech, according to Al Jazeera news. The price of oil is up, partners across the region are curtailing energy use and anticipating food shortages. This will hit American households no matter what Trump says. The war is not over not because he says so but because Iran has not given Trump the clear victory he wants. Tonight he clearly threatened more escalation, but it was not as defined as an announced land invasion. He all but said the Strait was not worth it.

Nor did he unilaterally "declare victory" to save face. He did not mention Israel once, but one could sense its influence in every line. Trump says he is going to "finish it" and "fast." Unrelenting, unspecified violence. Anyone looking for more than that turned out to be an April Fool.